Nameless
Debbie Johnson
Sept 14, 2010
My name was given to me,
An infant, no choice was had.
My Biblical name a chance to rejoice,
Spiritual mother expected perfection,
I should rise up and do my best.
Debra, most common girl’s name of 1962,
But the Deborah spelling made me feel inadequate, blue.
Biblical name emphasized, I felt I had to
Be perfectly honest and get an A on every test.
Much thought was given to changing my name
To have my own identity and leave the past.
I pondered a change to my middle name Ellen,
Not biblical, would I get to heaven?
I grew and realized many had this name.
It made me sad, I was not unique
I longed for a name of my own, not a variation of what many girls had.
Deb, Debbie, Debby, Deborah and Debra too much alike.
If folks aren’t careful when using these
I often don’t know if they are speaking of me
Or some other Debbie.
Most deal with the confusion by calling me Debbie J.
I guess for now I will keep it that way.
Debbie J./Deborah/Ellen: This is becoming clearer and cleaner with each rewrite. I like the change you made about the name "Ellen." It clears up a confusion, and the meaning adds a lot to the general theme.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ruth!
ReplyDeleteHi Deb,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your work!
This is a really interesting poem that seems to delve into some difficult issues of naming and identity. I really love the questions it raises: What does it mean to have a certain names? What do our names say about us? What does it mean when we feel we have the "wrong name"? I also love how you tie the process of naming to things like popular culture and the bible and how you're able to pull in larger questions about parental expectations and goodness.
My two favorite lines are:
"Debra, most common girl’s name of 1962"
and "I longed for a name of my own."
I like the way you've played with rhyme in this piece but I wonder if the structure prevents you from accessing some of the poem's more emotionally resonate material. It seems to me that the poem wants to address a lot of big issues but the structure keeps it moving in such a way that you're not quite able to linger on some of the ideas you bring up. I might save a copy of what you have now, copy/paste this poem into a new word file, and "mess it up"--don't be afraid to linger on scenes and moments and to really try to recall specific memories of some of the really resonate ideas you write about. If it doesn't work, you'll have a saved copy of what you have now--but loosening the structure may really help the poem.
Good luck with this!
~Rachael