Sunday, October 10, 2010

A message and new poem from Ruth

I wanted to ask if there's any way new posts, including comments, can be flagged.  I am trying to post only one new piece a week, but as I work on some of the older ones, I am trying to keep most of my changes in the comments.  Now that we're getting so many posts, it's hard to figure out when something has a new comment without looking at each post and their comments.  I don't want to have to make a new post every time I try a little change in an older poem I'm working on.

I have some new comments on some of my older poems and intend to add more.  What to do?

Now, here is my new poem for the week--one I referred to, in one of those comments I mentioned above, as weird.  I'd like to know if it's comprehensible and interesting enough to others for me to pursue:


     The Scientist on the Hill, a Non-Love Poem


I drape a sweet scented sheet
on the line, and a beetle,
the same iridescent black and gravid shape
as my husband's VW, flops at the top
of the white percale border, then descends
in silence toward the ground,

     like John's Bug, engine unfired, rolls
     down the lab's steep-streeted hill
     to our house.  Smug with his success
     to save a few ounces of gas,
     with his strategic knack
     for coordination with traffic,
     John treats himself to a splash
     of good country red from France
     to complement the earthy chicken chasseur 
     he taught me to prepare,
     before he drops to my limbs,
     slides down my skin,
     his heart not sparking hot enough to kindle
     my body nor warm the cool linen.

When the scarab reaches the point
where the fabric ends, it scarcely hesitates,
then hastens out of my story
into the unknown world

     like John and his Beetle,
     leaving me with a recipe
     for fowl and a squeamishness
     about my sheets.

2 comments:

  1. Ruth,
    It took me a couple times trough to get it-I do think it is worth doing more work on. I love the beetle and the beetle!

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  2. Ruth,
    Again so much to like. Where to begin? "a recipe for fowl and a squeamishness about my sheets" That is top shelf stuff. That's so packed with meaning. Also this love scene really worked through imagery.
    before he drops to my limbs,
    slides down my skin,
    his heart not sparking hot enough to kindle
    my body nor warm the cool linen.

    My main confusion with this poem relates to time and spatial issues of the actors. It feels like it wants to be a very narrative poem, where the bug is doing one thing while John is doing something else at the same time with his car? I can't tell what that action really is or what his proximity is to the clothes line where the narrator is working. At one point he is right there, but where is he in this middle section? Jumping to and from the clothes line adds to the confusion. Also "out of my story
    into the unknown world" is distracting because it breaks with the world created in the poem to remind the readers of the writer and the action of writing the poem. That may be a case for elaborate or eliminate. I love the title, but I don't know if the idea of a scientist comes across yet. Over all though, such a surprising ending and a great set of images. Very interesting and I agree with Debbie J that you should pursue it.
    Anna

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