I wanted to submit a short little poem to a recovery newsletter, and I keep changing the last three lines, so I'll put it on in it's current state. I want something about "this moment" in there, that's the most important thing... kind of a mindfulness reminder.
I still may post something else new on Sunday since that is now my weekly "posting day," but I have been suffering indecision this week. I'd like to get some feed back, suggestions for this, since I'd like to send it in soon (if I send it at all.) Especially suggestions about the last three lines in which I just took out the word/concept "air" in this latest version and wonder if it should go back. I guess I liked the sound of "silk, skin" and "breeze, breath" but don't know if sound should be as important as meaning.
I haven't been saving former versions, so would have to recreate. If someone would like to make some suggestions for lines, that is fine with me.
What Now?
It can come suddenly,
the storm, war, death--
or sunshine, peace, joy.
There are no promises
for what lies ahead.
But if you are alive,
can you feel the silk
of your skin, the breeze
of your breath, this moment?
I enjoyed this Ruth. I think you should submit. Does definitely put you in the moment and does a good job of using senses other than visual. Itt also speaks to how rapidly things can change, both events and feelings. Very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteDebbie, I sent in this version even though I'm not sure I like the "silk...skin" bit. We'll see. Even though I sent it, I'll still listen to comments from others.
ReplyDelete