Debbie Johnson
10/8/2010
I REMEMBER…
Walking in a forest in the fall with the leaves crunching under my feet,
Gliding gracefully around the skating rink 12 hours a week,
Running as fast as I can until my heart was pounding and my muscles ached,
Sometimes tripping and falling down.
The feel of the dirt between my toes as I walk barefoot in the garden,
The feel of sand under my feet at the beach,
Being able to get in the car and drive myself somewhere instead of waiting for the handicapped bus,
Peaceful walks by a tinkling stream-feeling at one with nature,
When others looked at ME not just my disability,
When children didn’t look at me as a freak as their mother told them it wasn’t polite to stare,
Tending to my perennial garden as the first flowers of the season broke through the dirt,
Being able to walk upstairs,
Being able to reach my kitchen cabinets,
Taking my dog for a walk late in the evening when most of the town had already gone to bed,
Getting in and out of the bathtub with ease,
Using a ladder to hang a picture or replace a light bulb,
Having energy, now it seems most of it is sapped by my disability,
Shoe shopping and being able to try on both shoes, my one shoe is now just a cover for my foot,
Working out on my exercise equipment and do aerobics,
Being able to get up off the floor if I fell without someone to help me,
Having a whole lap to put things on-now I only have half a lap and anything placed there slides off,
Being able to carry something in both hands at the same time, now I require one hand to steer my chair,
Working and earning a decent salary instead of subsisting on disability and relying on food banks for most of what I eat,
Being able to reach items from the top shelf at the store without having to track someone down to assist me,
I remember the morning I hit the semi head-on on the highway on my way to work. I don’t remember the actual impact or aftermath, but I will never forget that my left leg was amputated and I will never be able to walk again.
Debbie, I hope these are mostly happy memories that raise your spirits. You do amazingly well despite the fact that you can't do these things anymore.
ReplyDeleteDebbie,
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful. I feel like you have said something no one else can say, and you have said it beautifully. These things you miss doing are things people take for granted all the time. This piece has such value for you and for others who become enriched by seeing the world through your eyes. You have helped me to see the world differently and I am indebted to you for it.
I wonder if the things you list wouldn't have more impact if you stated right away that your leg was amputated. Then everything that follows is put in context of that fact. We learn about your disability through the details of the piece when you talk about needing only one shoe and such, but people who don't know you will have to be sort of detectives to figure out why you miss these things. The strengths of this piece is how specific each thing part of the list is, and how surprising some of them are- like missing tripping and falling.
This is such a brave piece of writing that addresses so many different ways in which your life has changed, from issues of self sufficiency, to money, to the way people react to you now as a person with a disability before they react to you as a person. Beautifully, beautifully done. Thank you Debbie.