Worn, rugged faces
have seen so much time,
so many places.
Hard work of many years,
so much experience
so many tears.
Hollow, empty eyes of some,
occasionally brighten
when past memories come.
Dignified, respectable once they were,
called in the past
madam and sir.
Confused mind,
failing health
memories are their wealth.
Now prepare for the fate,
after the years
all they have is to wait.
Take time to pay them their due,
Because one day
This could be you.
Debbie,
ReplyDeleteI really like this one! The form and the rhyme work well. I also really like the subject and the way you address it. There are some definite moments of sadness and nostalgia in here and you do a good job making us feel the melancholy of the narrator. I also like the way you directly address the reader, implicating him/her in the poem. It’s a very effective way to make us continue to think and reflect even after we’ve finished reading.
I love how you start with an image and end with the reader. I also really love the forth stanza.
I think this one is really close to being done. I might comb through the second and sixth stanzas to make the language and the images a little more specific but overall this one feels pretty tight.
Thanks for letting us read!
~Rachael
Thanks Rachael
ReplyDeletedebbieJ
I like this a lot, and yes, memory is the wealth of the aging, I can attest to that.
ReplyDeleteI really like, but also am a bit disturbed by the end:
"Take time to pay them their due,
Because one day
This could be you."
But the ending makes me feel like one of "them", and I am "me." In fact, I feel the poem is about me! (Not that I was ever called "Madam" or my husband "Sir," at least not often.)
I am also a little bothered by the bit about nothing to do but wait. We all wait, but even when my parents were dying, believe me, they were at least trying not to wait...
Of course, you have seen many things where you work that I have not seen, and everyone is different.
Maybe I'm just a bit grumpy tonight. (That happens to us old codgers, too.) This is really well written, has lovely sounds and rhythms--and is very meaningful.