Okay Anna, here's the deal. I wrote a nonfiction piece about an incident with my son and then a poem about just the first part of the incident a while back. Now we are making a booklet of writing for NAMI's April meeting. I was asked to shape the latter part of the story to match or go with the poetry that details the beginning of the incident. Well, it has turned out very long. There is a Part 1 (the old one) and Part 2 and 3, the new ones. I think this is too long and not engaging. Also since Part 1 wasn't written with Parts 2 and 3 in mind, it doesn't quite fit together.
I guess I'm going to have to post the whole piece here. What can I do to make it more engaging, make more sense if it doesn't, etc.? My idea is to have each of the three parts have the same number of stanzas. I'm hoping there can be some cuts from the newly written, raw, Parts 2 and 3 and just make the lines shorter, but still keep the stanza structure.
This is a lot at one time. This has to be done soon and I'm not sure there's any other way to present it. Here goes.
From Ruth on Mar. 19: I removed this so you could look at something newer, Anna.
In the 3rd paragraph, I would take out the fifth of. A pint or a gallon smells the same.
ReplyDeleteI know you have revised it several times and I like this the best. Any other suggestions would be around medical terms , which would not make it your story and would also make it harder for readers to understand. Great job. I know you have put so much into this. Debbie
Hi Ruth,
ReplyDeleteI'm excited to read this, but I don't find it in this post. You said you removed it, but did you re-post it somewhere else?
Anna